Self-sabotage is a common occurrence in weight loss isn't it? One of my clients confessed to me that her pattern of self-sabotage was emerging again as she was getting closer to her weight loss goal. I commended her for first becoming aware of this pattern, and second, asking for help on how to stop this unconscious behaviour and pattern.
She explained how her thoughts would spiral down to one big thought of DEPRIVATION (she had changed her diet to eating more vegetables and protein). She said, "One part of me wants to be thin, but another part of me feels I deserve it to eat what I want!"
In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), we call this an Internal Conflict - when two (or more) parts are in conflict. In any context, when a person states that a part of them wants one thing, but another part wants something else, there is a conflict in their beliefs, and therefore in this case, she believes she can be at her ideal weight and she also believes that she deserves to eat what she wants. Could you have both? Yes, but how you represent that belief is up to you. You will agree that this is very common in the diet industry and it is the reason people struggle with their weight. If this inner conflict is not solved, it will keep coming up when they go from one diet to another.
I asked my client to come up with an image or symbol of the part of her that wants to be thin and place it on one of her open palms. She had an image of herself in jeans and a t-shirt, full of confidence and creating conversations freely. I asked her to come up with an image or symbol of the part of her that feels that she deserves to eat what she wants and place it on the other open palm. She had an image of herself in sweat pants feeling sorry for herself.
I asked her, "What is the positive intention of the part that is saying yes to being thin?" She replied, "Confidence! Feeling like I can go up to anyone I want and strike a conversation.This part is about creating new relationships."
"What is the positive intention of the part that is saying no to being thin?" I asked. She replied, " Fulfillment. It is helping me overcome negative emotions like stress and loneliness. This part is all about supporting me, but it is not helping."
After acknowledging and going deeper with the positive intention behind each part, she realized in the end, each part wanted the same thing for her - to make her feel good. I guided her to create a third part that is a combination of the first two, that would fulfill both intentions.
The symbol for her third part was an image of herself running and feeling free. She shared the significance behind her symbol - she had joined a running group and enjoyed the feeling it gave, but gave it up because of her weight. She explained that this part of her will keep her moving toward her goal of healthy eating (that does not mean deprivation), building confidence and letting go any stress. It is that feeling and image that will motivate her and fulfill both intentions.
Zaheen Nanji is a speaker, author and success coach. She has successfully coached clients on weight loss and has recently launched a CD called "Fat to Thin: How to Attract Your Ideal weight". Zaheen is also a co-author on an upcoming book, "Unlock the Power of YOU" where she is the expert author on behavioral weight loss and emotional eating. For more information and to receive a free breakthrough session, please visit her
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